A Dollar Short
by csipal
Summary: GSR,SV-Sara is faced with a decision COMPLETE!
1. Chapter One

**_I do not own anything related to CBS or CSI._**

Sara/Vartan romance S/G angst

Thanks to my beta, Nessa Owen, for doing her magic. This is my first WIP. Most of it is already written but I will take all reviews and suggestions into consideration.

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Grissom kept his jealousy in check when she went out on her first date with him. He wasn't thrilled about it, but he knew that she needed to get out and have fun, rebuild herself. After her near arrest he knew that she needed space from him and he was more than willing to give it. They had a lot of issues to resolve in their relationship but he was hopeful that they could do some rebuilding of their own once she was back on solid ground. He really thought the two were only friends but one date became two and two dates became three. Six months after their first date, Grissom finally got the message.

He was on his way to ride the roller coaster at New York, New York when he saw them. They were exiting the restaurant smiling, arm in arm and looking happy. She was beautiful. That came as no surprise to him, he always thought of her as beautiful. It was how he imagined she would look if he'd been lucky enough to have her on his arm. When Alex Vartan reached up to cup Sara's cheek and give her the most tender of kisses, the kiss of a lover, Grissom knew he'd given her too much space. He rode the coaster eight times that night.

He sat here now, two days later, reading her request for vacation time. Company policy requires a point of contact in the event of an urgent case requiring all hands. She was going to a bed and breakfast in Venice, California and she wasn't going alone. Brass had stopped by his office to let him know that Vartan was going away for a week. At the time he thought Brass was giving him a heads up but now he knows he was giving him a warning. They were going away together---for a week.

"So the time off won't be a problem?" Sara asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Uh, no, no problem. The schedule looks clear for those dates," he said, mentally cursing the calendar. They will be leaving next week. Rubbing his eyes, he felt a migraine coming on.

"I'm glad you are finally taking some time off. You should have done this several months ago." Which was the truth. When he suggested she take a vacation she had resisted, stating that she needed to work. She needed to have that constant. He understood---they were not very different in that aspect. He wondered how Det.Vartan had convinced her to take the time off.

Every stroke of the pen as he signed her request had a weight to it he couldn't quite place. It was almost as if he was signing away his right to her. _What right did I ever have?_

"Yeah, I know. But hey, better late than never, right?" She said as he handed her the form.

"Right." But she didn't hear him. She was already walking away, leaving his office emptier than before.

Somehow he missed another chance---an important chance. He realizes she wasn't aware that being with him was an option, and he also knows that he has probably already lost her. Grissom looked at the calendar again---one week until they leave.

Is it better late than never?

__

TBC


	2. Chapter Two

A/N - Thanks to everybody for the wonderful reviews and support.

Nessa Owen---you're awesome. Thank you.

"Catherine, you're late." Grissom said as she passed by his door.

Catherine stopped in her tracks, a little confused at his abrupt tone and entered his office. He had his eyes on the papers in front of him but she could tell that they did not hold his attention.

"Uh, yeah, I left you a message." Not getting any acknowledgement, she continued, "The babysitter was running late."

"You missed assignments. You're with Sara." Finally lifting his eyes to meet hers, "If you hurry you can catch her."

"Hey, Gil. You OK?" His face fell and for a minute it looked as though he was going to answer but then his expression hardened.

"I'm fine," Grissom said, turning his attention back to his desk. Catherine, taking that as her cue the conversation was over, left to find Sara. She didn't have to look for long. Turning the corner she almost collided with her.

"Catherine, you're here."

"Hey. I hear we're together."

"Yeah, possible suicide at the Mirage. You ready?"

Nodding at Sara, Catherine followed her out to the parking lot and into the car. "Listen, what's up with Grissom? He seems a little testy today."

"I'm not really sure. He's been that way since beginning of shift. Maybe it was because you were late." Sara winked just before pulling out of the parking space, letting her know she was teasing.

"Hey! Not you too. I called in!"

Walking through the entrance of the Mirage, Catherine took the lead and headed for the elevators. "What room is our victim in?"

"The storage room, actually. I think it's in the back. Our victim was an employee."

"Huh. Guy kills himself at work? Lack of privacy. That kinda rules out suicide, don't you think?"

As they walked down the hall towards the storage room Catherine couldn't help but notice the smile that suddenly appeared on Sara's face. Looking further down the hall she saw Det.Vartan talking with the hotel manager.

"Hey, looks like your man is working tonight too," Catherine said nodding in the direction of Det Vartan.

"So it seems."

They entered the storage room and immediately started collecting evidence. She and Sara have never been the best of friends but regardless of what anyone thought, Catherine cared for her a great deal. She was happy to see parts of the old Sara back and knew that most her happiness had to do with the detective in the hall.

"How are things going with you two?"

Sara gave her a sidelong glance. "Are you fishing around for information?"

"Not really. Well, yeah---kinda. I'm just wondering if he is the reason for your good mood lately."

"I'm always in a good mood, Catherine." Sara almost laughed at her incredulous look. "Things are good, really good. Actually, if you want some information, I have some to give."

"Really. What is it?"

"I just requested some vacation time. We're planning to get out of the city for a few days."

"Oh, wow. So you guys are getting serious, huh?"

"Getting that way, yeah." She said, glancing up at Alex. "It looks like he's done questioning the manager. I'm going to go see what he has."

"Yeah, ok." After giving her a thoughtful look she asked, "Hey Sara? With Alex? Are you happy?"

"Yes," Sara said giving Catherine the biggest smile she hadn't seen since her first year or two in Vegas.

Watching Sara walk over to the detective, Catherine's face fell as she realized the source of Grissom's sour mood.

Oh, Gil.

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Usually Grissom welcomed the interruption when doing paperwork. Looking up and seeing Catherine, he knew that this was not one of those times. She was sporting a look he knew all too well " they were going to talk. Returning his eyes to his paperwork, he waited for her to say her peace.

"So, I hear that we are going to be short a person next week," she said, not wasting any time getting to the point.

"Yes. Sara is going to be on vacation."

"Wow," she said raising her eyebrows with a look of surprise, " Sara taking time off. I never thought I'd see the day, what about you?"

Ignoring her question and giving her a pointed look he asked, "How is the case going?"

"Well, we are going to do some more questioning tomorrow. We are waiting for Doc's autopsy results but so far it doesn't look like a suicide."

"OK. Keep me updated."

"We will. By "we" I mean me and Sara and Vartan."

"Hmm. What is it that you really want to say Catherine?"

"Not what you are expecting me to say."

"Ok, consider my curiosity peaked," he said, meeting her eyes, "What?"

"This attitude you had this morning, was it about this?"

"This? I'm not sure I know what you are talking about."

"Yes you do. Sara and Alex are going away next week. I don't understand, Gil, I thought you were OK with this. They have been dating for months, why are you acting like this now?"

"Catherine, I really don't want to discuss this." He knew that the time had passed by and he really didn't need to discuss his failure with anyone.

"That was always your problem. Look, all I am asking is that you don't start acting like an ass again. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to us."

"I know," he snapped. Suddenly tired, Grissom rubbed his face. Not having the energy to fight anymore, he decided honesty was the best route. "I thought I was OK with this. For some reason I didn't think that it was getting that serious."

A little stunned by his admission, Catherine lowered her voice. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him off. "Why did you wait so long?"

"I thought I was giving her space." Grissom winced as the words came from his mouth. Saying them sounded just as lame as thinking them. He had already given her too much space---years of space.

"Gil,"

"Listen, I'm going to talk to her."

"About what?" Catherine asked cautiously.

"What do you mean about what? I need to talk to her about ... I need to explain things." Grissom decided to go for broke. "I can't let her go away with him."

"Gil, don't." she pleaded. After all the pushing he had done lately, the last thing Sara needed was him pulling again.

"Don't? Catherine, you were the one who told me to lift my head from under the microscope."

"I don't think I need to tell you how long ago that was."

"You're right. It was a while ago, which is why I need to do this now. Don't you think I've waited long enough?"

"No, Gil. I'm sorry but you waited _too_ long. You're too late." Catherine wasn't prepared for the haunted look that her words caused.

"What did you say?" his disbelief evident.

"She's happy---she's smiling again. Don't do this."

"Catherine, I have to do this. I don't want to lose her." He got up from his chair and grabbed his jacket. He needed to talk to Sara now while he still had the courage and the chance.

Catherine grabbed his arm as he walked pass. "I just don't want anybody to get hurt."

"I won't hurt her." Disengaging himself from her, he continued out the door.

"I wasn't talking about her." Grissom took one more step and turned around. Seeing the apologetic look on Catherine's face, he nodded once and continued down the hall.

TBC


	3. Chapter Three

**_A/N-_ _Wow, such great reviews---thank you. To answer the question posed in several emails---yes, I'm a G/S 'shipper. Having said that, please don't throw too many flames after reading this chapter ;) I think that everybody will be happy with the outcome when it is all over and done with._**

**_Thanks again to Nessa Owen for her beta-ing. Any errors are mine._**

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Fingering the key that Sara gave to him last week, Alex hesitated outside her door. He was still not used to the shift in their relationship and he was sure that the same could be said for her. The past few months had been great, wonderful even, but he still held some reservations concerning her commitment to him. Sharing keys---sharing entrance into each other's home was supposed to be a step forward, but he still felt an odd distance from her. He was not blind. Everyone knew of the attraction between Sara and Grissom. It was not the secret they thought it was. Sara had confided in him about how they met, the flirting, the feelings, and the rejection. There were times, however, that he caught Grissom gazing at Sara. Had Sara been aware of Grissom's scrutiny, she would also have been aware of his love_. _If Sara was given another chance with Grissom, he was afraid she would take it.  
  
Looking at the key again and smiling Alex whispered, "But I'm with her now." The key slipped into the lock and turned without effort---he saw that as a sign.  
  
The smell wafting through the apartment was deceiving. He could swear that he smelled steak and onions but having been told early on not to expect meat cooked by her, he knew that he was mistaken.  
  
"Alex, is that you?"  
  
"Yeah, babe. Hey, it smells as though you entered the dark side here. Please tell me that you have a steak in the oven."  
  
"You know better than that."  
  
Yes, he did know better. Upon inspection of the roasting pan he realized that the smell was one of tofu in disguise. She once told him that you could make tofu into anything you want---even steak.  
  
"Sidle, this looks…gross." Wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing the back of her neck, he tried to contain his grin. "I really wanted to say "great", but being the stand-up honest guy I am, I had to tell you the truth. You, however, look very cute. I love you in pajama pants."  
  
Smelling the soft scent of her shampoo, he once again was reminded how lucky he was that she was with him. They were still in the early stages of their relationship and if and when the issue of Grissom came up, he'd worry about it then.  
  
"Last night you said that you loved me out of them." He smiled at the memory. He asked her to go away with him and she answered by taking him to bed. He had hopes that this trip would help forge their relationship and bring them closer.  
  
"That reminds me --- were you able to get the time off?"  
  
"Yeah. I was worried about it being last minute but the schedule seemed to work in my favor. That and the fact I have ten weeks saved up. He can't really say no to that."  
  
Hesitant with his next question, he asked, "So, he uh, really didn't have a problem with it?"  
  
"Why? Should he?"  
  
Tightening his hold on Sara he said, "No, not at all." Desperate to get off the subject of Grissom, he was thankful that she changed the subject.  
  
"Did you get a chance to stop by the store?"  
  
"Yep," he said. "One tub of banana fudge chunk, as ordered. You know," he said, letting his hands slip under her shirt and glide across her belly, "I can have the ice cream for dinner while you eat that…stuff."  
  
"What will you have for dessert?" The seductive tone in her voice almost made him drop to his knees.  
  
Turning her around, he placed each hand on either side of her face and brought her lips to his. When she brought her hands up to rest behind his neck he gently pulled away. Resting his forehead on hers, he whispered, "You."  
  
Letting his hands drift down her sides, he grasped the hem of her tee-shirt. Slowly raising it over her head, he once again thanked whatever entity brought her here with him. His lips made their way down her body in a trail that started at her neck and ended at her drawstrings. Taking hold of the tie, it slipped loose with a slight tug.  
  
"Do you always have your dessert first?"  
  
He looked up at her then. They had only been lovers for a short while, but he was well aware of what arousal looked like on her. Beautiful.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He eased her out of her pants one leg at a time, his fingers drifting over her long limbs. Suddenly inspired, he stood up and on his way flung her over his shoulder, igniting a gasp of surprise from Sara.  
  
"Wow. Who knew you could be so romantic?" Her laughter overshadowed any sarcasm in that statement.  
  
Flinging her down on the bed, he began to rid himself of his clothing. "I aim to please."  
  
He left his boxers on so that they could remove the last of their offending garments together. Joining her on the bed he trailed his hand up her calf and behind her knee until he reached her bottom. After giving it a firm squeeze he then began to remove her panties. The shrill ring of her cell phone on the nightstand, however, halted his mission.  
  
"Do you want to get that?"  
  
"No," she said, raising her hand up to his face. " We're busy. They'll call back if it's important."  
  
Lowering his head to kiss her stomach, he asked, "What if it's work."  
  
"Then they'll call back. I'll answer if it rings again. Now, get up here." She pulled him up until they were face to face. "I'm hungry. I thought we were going to have dessert."  
  
Never able to resist a request from this woman, Alex obliged and worked on satisfying her craving.  
  
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Sara lay in her bed, wide-awake, with Alex's arm loosely wrapped around her waist while he slept. Glancing over at her nightstand, she grabbed her phone and read the display---_1 missed call_. Flipping through the call history she looked to see who it was.  
  
"Grissom," she whispered, holding the phone to her chest.  
  
Shaking her head, she turned to look at Alex's face as it rested on her pillow. Giving a small smile at the drool from the corner of his mouth, she reached back over and returned her phone to the nightstand.  
  
TBC


	4. Chapter Four

**_A/N--Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews._ _ I've got a busy weekend so I probably won't post another chapter till sometime next week. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me on this so far. Apologies to anyone who thinks that I portray Sara poorly. I thought I made it clear that she was in an actual relationship with Alex. I hope that as the stories (yes, I said stories ;) ) continue and you see where I plan to take it, your opinions will change. Bear with me, folks. _**

**_Thanks to Nessa Owen for her awesome beta work and advice/support. Any remaining errors are mine._**

Sara entered the break room and was not surprised to be the first one in. Even though her personal life was no longer dormant, she was still the same workaholic as before. One of the reasons her relationship with Alex worked so well was that his work ethic was similar to hers. They both loved their jobs and were very dedicated. She remembered their second date and how sorry and embarrassed he'd been when he was paged to work. As she tried to tell him no apologies were necessary, her pager did the same.

She made her way over to the cupboard and pulled out a mug and her secret stash of hazelnut creamer. Upon reaching the carafe she noticed there was a full pot already made.

"Looks like I'm not the first one after all," she said to herself, letting her thoughts drift to the person most likely to beat her to work.

Things with Grissom were bittersweet. Since she'd been pulled over, their working relationship had improved, and they seemed to be back on track. It was like they had this unspoken agreement to start anew and it was amazing how easy it was. The hard part was their personal relationship. Drinking that night -- letting her emotions get the better of her and affect her judgement -- was something she couldn't tolerate. Witnessing his confession, finding out he would never do anything about his feelings for her -- she thought she could never feel worse. That was until she put her life and others' in danger by getting behind the wheel. While she sat in the police station waiting for Grissom, she made a vow to let him go. Her heart was tired and her spirit was low, and so she decided to move on.

While she stirred in the sugar and creamer her mind was back on Alex. He was very understanding and comforting when she'd explained her feelings for Grissom. She had come clean with everything. It was the first time she had opened up about it, and to have it be with him – someone she was growing closer to everyday – was refreshing. After Grissom, she didn't know she could care so deeply for another man. It wasn't love but she thought it could be. She knew at times he had his doubts about whether she was over Grissom, and to be honest, so did she. Well aware that this vacation was Alex's way to make their relationship more permanent, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd closed the door on Grissom or just had her back to it.

Timidly taking a sip from her coffee, she turned away from the counter and headed towards the table. Just as she sat down, Grissom entered the room. His demeanor changed from relaxed to tense upon making eye contact.

Heading to the counter to repeat the ritual Sara had just completed, he spoke. "Hi."

"Hey, Grissom." Seeing him use her creamer, she protested, "Hey, that's mine! It's my secret stash."

Silently laughing at her outburst, he relaxed and turned to face her. Cocking his eyebrow he replied, "Not-so-secret stash. I'm not the only one. Bobby uses it too."

"Hmm. Well, you're buying the next one." Her eyes followed his trek from the counter to a seat opposite her. "So, uh, you called yesterday and you…um…you didn't leave a message. Was it important?"

Grissom set his mug down on the table and cleared his throat. Looking up at Sara, he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Noting that this wasn't the place for the conversation he had in mind, he shut his mouth and looked away.

His silence prompted her to speak. "Grissom?"

"Yeah, uh, I need to talk to you about something. About your vacation."

"What? Did something come up on the schedule?"

"No. No, nothing came up. Listen, Sara, can we talk about this after shift? Maybe over breakfast."

"Breakfast?"

"Or coffee, if you already have plans," he said, nervously.

"No, uh, breakfast is fine." Sara, concerned about his behavior, leaned forward. "Are you sure everything is OK?"

Before he could answer, Catherine walked through the door. She took her seat beside Sara, giving Grissom a questioning look.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

"Going good. Would be even better if we didn't have creamer-stealing thieves around here."

"Oh, you mean the hazelnut creamer behind the plastic cups?"

"Ok, who isn't stealing my creamer?"

"Not me," Nick said from the doorway with Warrick at his back. "I can't stand that crap."

"OK. Everybody is here. There are no new cases tonight, which is good because yours are still open," Grissom said, giving them all a pointed look. "Catherine, you and Sara have those interviews tonight?"

"Yeah, Doc's autopsy came in. It's officially murder. The manager is rounding up the hotel staff and we meet in an hour."

"Good. Nick? Warrick? What about you guys? How's your case?"

Warrick looked over at Nick before answering. "We're just waiting on the lab results. Greg said that we should have them by the beginning of shift, so they should be ready."

"Good. Alright, get moving and keep me updated." Grissom picked up his mug and left the room giving one more glance at Sara.

Leaving Catherine and Sara in the break room, Nick and Warrick left for Greg's lab. Catherine turned her chair around and gave Sara an inquisitive look.

"What?"

"Did Grissom call you yesterday?"

"Yeah, he did. He…"

"Ugh, I told him not to," Catherine interrupted. "I don't know why he thought he could do this now. I told him that he was too late and that you and Alex were happy. What did you say?"

"Well, I, uh," Sara stuttered, not sure about this turn of events.

"You need to do what makes you happy," Catherine said quickly, putting a hand on her forearm. "If it's Grissom who makes you happy---great. If it's Alex, well, that's great too. I'm just sorry he waited until you were with somebody else to make his move."

As Catherine got up she smoothed her coat and shook her head. Looking down at Sara sympathetically, she said, "Listen, I need to get something from the locker room. I'll meet you at the car, OK?"

"Sure."

When Catherine left the room Sara let out a breath of disbelief. Resting her elbows on the table, she lowered her head in her hands. Surprise quickly turned to anger as she slammed her hands down and quickly got up and headed out to the parking lot. Passing by Grissom's office, she risked a glance his way. She had a lot to think about before breakfast.

TBC


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N-You didn't have to wait too long-only a week ;) Thank you for your reviews. I will probably add just two more chapters to this story but will follow up with a sequel that I'm already outlining. If the story goes in the direction that I want it to-there may be a third. We'll just have to see where this takes me. **

**As always, thanks to Nessa Owen for her wonderful beta work and advice.**

Finishing up their interviews with the hotel staff, Catherine, Sara and Alex made their way out of the hotel and into the parking lot.

"Well, ladies, I'll give you a call when I get the warrant," Alex said, as they neared their vehicles.

"Thanks, Alex," replied Catherine, making her way over to the driver's side of the vehicle.

"Hey babe," he said, grabbing Sara's hand and pulling her over to the side, "how about we grab some breakfast after shift?"

"I can't. I have plans for breakfast already."

"You guys all going to the diner again? Is this another one of those CSI-only breakfasts?" His teasing banter only made it harder for Sara to tell him the truth.

"No." Taking a deep breath and exhaling almost forcefully, she continued, " I, uh, I'm meeting Grissom. He needs to talk to me about something."

"Oh." Alex looked down at where their hands were joined and began to mildly caress the back of hers with his thumb. "Any idea what it's about?"

"Yeah."

"Is it work related?"

"No."

Getting frustrated, he asked, "Are you going to give me more than a one word answer?"

Knowing that Grissom was a worry of his, she was not surprised at his abruptness, but it angered her, nonetheless. "I don't have any answers right now," she snapped. Softening her tone, she added, "We'll talk about it, I promise."

"OK. Sara, I---just, call me later, alright?"

"Do you not want me to go?" she asked, glancing over at Catherine who was watching their exchange from inside the car. Sara wondered if she could hear the conversation as well.

"Go. You guys should talk."

"You're very understanding."

"That's what they say." Seeing him smile, Sara knew the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. When he gave her hand an extra squeeze, she leaned in and gave him a quick, chaste kiss.

"Wow, Sidle. PDA while on the clock. That was a rule-breaker," he teased.

"I know." Smiling, she entered the car.

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Grissom sat alone at a table in the back corner of the diner, anxiously checking his watch. He knew he was early but his nerves were getting the better of him. Despite the fact that this conversation was the only thing on his mind, he still had no idea what to say and he hoped that she couldn't tell that he was flying by the seat of his pants. He had never fought for a girl before and surely not one that was already involved with another man. This went against all principals.

Looking up, he saw Sara enter through the door. He used the moment that it took her to scan the crowd to summon the courage he needed to talk to her. When Sara finally spotted him she paused before walking over. The look on her face was apprehensive and Grissom's resolve went down a notch. He knew that she had every right to be wary of any personal contact with him, but it still hurt.

"Hey, Grissom," she said, sitting across from him, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "Am I late? How long have you been waiting?"

"No, I was early." Grissom noticed how she didn't quite meet his eyes and how she fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacket. "I've only been here ten minutes."

"Good. I'm glad that you weren't waiting too long." Sara looked up at him then, only to avert her gaze just as quickly. "You…you wanted to talk about something?"

He picked up on the manner in which she spoke and her uneasy body language. He narrowed his eyes as he took it all in. _Always trust the evidence_. "I think you already know."

"Yeah," she said, guiltily. "Catherine told me."

Grissom sighed, wavering between anger at the interference and relief that the hard part was already done for him. "I really wish that she'd kept out of this."

"Don't blame Catherine. The only thing she is guilty of is a big mouth. That and not letting anyone else get a word in." Sara's attempt at breaking the ever-growing tension failed. "To be honest, I almost didn't come."

"What made you decide to?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure?" Her eyes snapped up at that question but she didn't have an answer for him.

"Sara, I have thought about what to say to you and I keep coming up empty-handed. I know what I want to say – but I don't know how. All I know is that I need to do something."

"What is it that you are trying to do?"

The waitress taking their order interrupted their fragile conversation. Uneasiness already taking place, they passed on food and just ordered coffee.

Knowing that this may be his last chance, vagueness was not an option. If he really wanted to have her, he had to be honest. Wrapping his hands around his mug he took a deep breath and spoke. "Win your heart."

"Wow, you don't ask for much. You know, you had my heart."

"I know. I just didn't know what it meant -- didn't know how to treat it properly. "

"And you do now?" Sara's skepticism and disbelief was not lost on Grissom.

"I think so. I know that I passed up many opportunities given to me and though this isn't one of them, I'm taking it anyway." At her confused look he continued. "Sara, don't go away next week."

"What?!"

"I know that you are seeing Det. Vartan, but I'm asking you to think…"

"Exactly, I'm seeing Alex. How fitting is it that you wait until now. I wasn't worth the risk before, so what changed Grissom? Is it because if I say "no" now it can be because of my relationship with Alex? So that the reason we are not together can fall on me? Or do you just really enjoy tormenting me?"

"Honey, that's not it. I know this looks bad. I also know that I took my time getting to this point but I'm here now. I'm not backing away. I realize that I should have asked for your patience instead of assuming I always had it -- and for that, I'm sorry." Reaching over to grab her hand, he searched her face for understanding. "Sara..."

"No." She pulled her hand from his grasp. "Grissom, I can't do this. Why are you making this so hard?"

"If it is so hard then maybe that means it warrants some thought."

"What if I'm happy right now? I'm trying to move on. This is what you wanted---you couldn't do it."

"I never said that." Judging by the look of disbelief and anger on Sara's face, Grissom guessed those were the wrong words to say.

"You said it when you said "no". You said it with every unkind word and show of indifference and you most definitely said it when you decided to confide in a fucking murder suspect rather than talk to me!"

Getting up she placed a few bucks on the table. "I've gotta go."

Following her out the door, Grissom grabbed her elbow. "Sara, wait." Turning her around, he was taken back by the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"I stopped waiting a long time ago."

Grissom watched as she got in her car and drove away. That she had known of his conversation with Dr. Lurie should have come as a surprise, but it only served to help him put the pieces together. He'd hurt her and even though giving up now was not an option, he knew that he just might have lost her for good.

TBC...


	6. Chapter Six

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A/N- First and foremost-Thanks to beta-extraordinaire Nessa Owen. She smart, she's fast, she's good for my ego.

Wow guys, the response to this story amazes me. It makes me so happy to see so many people enjoy it. Thanks to you all for the reviews and encouragement.

Coming home from his disastrous breakfast with Sara, Grissom walked straight to his kitchen, pausing only to toss his keys on his desk. He retrieved a glass with ice and his bottle of scotch. He placed the items on the coffee table and sat down on the love seat, leaned back and closed his eyes. With a frustrated groan he rubbed his face and thought about the conversation with Sara. It hadn't gone as he'd hoped.

His first clue that their meeting was doomed was the fact that Catherine had let the cat out of the bag. Whether by intervention or accident, it was not her place. The only consolation was that Sara showed up anyway. Knowing the gist of his intentions - knowing that he wanted to make his feelings known - she still came. That had to mean something. Calling her on it, well, that had been a mistake and it went downhill from there.

He knew that he'd had her heart. He also knew that he'd broken it - several times. Dissecting their conversation further, Grissom realized he never offered her anything. All he spoke of was what he wanted - her heart, for her not to go, her patience. Not once did he let her know that she already had his heart. He wanted her to think about her choices but he really never gave her any. Coming in at the eleventh hour wanting another chance was hardly his best move.

Opening his eyes, he rolled his head over to view the picture on his side table. It was a small abstract print of a butterfly that his mother gave him years ago. She said that it reminded her of when he was growing up and developing his love for insects. He had to learn how to treat the insects he collected. If you demanded too much they grew weak and died - if you neglected them they ran away.

The bottom of the print bore the quote, _Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly –Unknown. _He thought he learned that balance but obviously he missed something along the way. Mothers always know.

Grissom sat up and rested his elbows on his knees – hands posed in prayer – and stared at the untouched bottle and glass. The glass was now filled with water – the ice had melted. He picked up the glass from the puddle condensation had left behind. Once again he was too late. He waited too long to have his drink and if he were to pour the scotch in now it wouldn't be the same - it would be watered down.

Getting up, he walked to the kitchen and poured out his glass. He refilled his glass with ice and on his way back, grabbed a hand towel to clean up the water ring. Setting the glass this time on a coaster, he used his other hand to wipe up the mess knowing that if he really wanted this, he needed to start over. He still had the key elements - this could still be fixed.

He had to tell her that he could do this - that she _is_ worth it. She needed to know that he was going to work on regaining her trust and hopefully her heart. Time was not on his side and he knew that she and Alex would probably still go on their vacation. But he had to take his time. He had to cleanup their mess and start again. He still had the key elements - himself and Sara.

-------------------------------------------------

Only once before had Sara been nervous while on the front steps of Alex's home. It was the first night that they were together. She wasn't nervous about the actual sex, but rather the many levels of what the act meant. Deciding to consummate a relationship was something that she didn't take lightly. Sure, she'd made some mistakes in the past, but always chalked it up to life experience. It also was the first time that she'd been with somebody after making her decision to give up on Grissom. That night was a new beginning for her.

Her nervousness now stemmed from the knowledge that Alex was going to want answers to his questions about her breakfast with Grissom. The problem was that she knew less than she did before. _How do you tell the guy that shares your bed and has his own place in your heart that the love of your life wants another chance?_

Sara opened the door and the first thing she noticed was how quiet it was.

"Alex? You home?"

Entering the kitchen she noticed a letter on the counter accompanied by a muffin. She peeled off the wrapper and began to eat the muffin as she read the note.

_Sidle-_

_I know that whatever you ate was_

_not enough. The muffin is from Paul's_

Bakery - your favorite. I got called in for

an arrest. Shouldn't be too long.

Wait for me.

-Alex

Grateful for the time to digest the conversation this morning, as well as the muffin, Sara laid down on the couch and waited for his return.

TBC…


	7. Chapter Seven

**_A/N-Nessa Owen did wonderful job beta-ing this piece. I did tinker with it after she returned it , so-as always-all mistakes are mine. You guys are very gracious with your reviews-thanks._**

**_Chapter 7_**

Alex found his new favorite pastime.

From his perch on the coffee table, he observed the woman on his couch, deep in slumber. His eyes wandered from head to toe, taking in every line...every curve. Some he knew by heart and some were still left to be discovered. It amazed him how someone so strong and tough could at the same time be delicate and fragile. Seeing her eyes flutter under her lids, he knew that she was dreaming and wondered what, or rather whom, she was dreaming about. Alex hoped her dreams were about him, but feared they were about the man who had captured her attention long before he came into the picture.

On his way home that morning, he stopped by Paul's Bakery for muffins. While he was filling the bag with his favorites, as well as Sara's, his thoughts wandered to the breakfast he knew she was sharing with Grissom. When he left the bakery, he glanced up the street to the direction of the diner and scanned the parking lot to see if Sara had arrived. Her car confirmed her arrival but that wasn't what held his interest-it was the figure resting against the hood. Sara sat looking at the door of the diner as if going in was her biggest decision yet, and -- not for the first time -- he wished he was privy to her thoughts. Snapping from his reverie by the shaking of her head, he watched as she got up, placed a hand over her stomach and took a deep breath. Closing her eyes briefly, in what he would call a prayer, she entered the diner. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know what was going on inside.

Sitting here now, with her laying in front of him, he still wasn't sure. Because right now she is still his. Right now she is the woman he loves, waiting, sleeping on his couch-not the woman with butterflies in her stomach outside the diner. He watched as peacefulness morphed to restlessness and knew this precious moment was nearing its end. Wanting her first waking thoughts to be of him, he leaned over and trailed his hand along her cheek while giving her a light but sweet kiss.

Stretching to rid herself of the kinks acquired from napping on a couch, she opened her eyes and smiled. "Mmm. You're back," she said, closing them again.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I took longer than expected. Why don't you go lay in the bed, you're beat."

"Do I look that bad?"

Getting up from the couch, she headed to the kitchen and grabbed two bottled waters from the fridge. Alex followed her in and hopped up on the counter. "You look beautiful."

Sara cocked her eyebrow and tossed him a bottle. He continued, "Well, in a tired, overworked, in need of a wonderful vacation in California kinda way."

His smiled faltered when the statement didn't have the effect he thought it would. Sara's eyes shifted south before turning back to the fridge to rummage through the fruit drawer.

"Thanks for the muffin this morning," she said over her shoulder. 

"No problem."

He sat there, toying with the label on the water bottle, trying to figure out a way to sidestep the topic that both were willing to avoid. Watching Sara expertly prepare the fruit for a salad, he noticed that her back was a bit straighter, her movements more deliberate. They were going to have to talk.

"Sidle. Babe .." 

"Do you want me to put bananas in it?" she interrupted.

In all the time they have been together, this was the first time that Alex had felt distance. Even in the beginning, it was reluctance, not distance. Hopping down off the counter, he turned her around and removed the knife from her hand, for fear that it may end up in his heart.

"What happened this morning?"

"Don't worry about it. Everything is fine."

She tried to turn back to her task when Alex caught her arm, turning her again to face him. Framing her face with his hands, he looked into her eyes and silently begged her to talk.

"Sara. What did he have to say?" 

He was thankful that she closed her eyes when she told him that Grissom wanted another chance because her voice was already too much to bear. He dropped his hands from her face and took a step back.

"Oh."

She opened her eyes and looked at Alex, both waiting for the other to speak. 

Every question asked so far had not yielded a favorable response, so when he spoke, it was with great trepidation. "What did you tell him?"

"That I am happy."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes." She said, taking his hand. "We have talked about all of this before, Alex. I needed to let go."

"But you love him though, right? You're right, we have talked about all of this before. When we first started dating you said that you would always love him."

"Yes."

"And he loves you."

"It isn't enough. He can't give me more than that. The more he gives- the more he gets scared... and the more he ends up taking away. He could never give "us" a real chance."

"What if he can?"

"He can't! He thinks he can, but he can't." Letting her anger at his insistence get to her, she continued, "Why are you asking me this? How long should I have waited?"

"I don't know. I think you waited long enough, but that is just my opinion. I think that after years of putting you on an emotional roller coaster, him asking for another chance with you -- while you are dating me -- is pretty fucked up. Again, my opinion. What's also fucked up is that fact that you knew what he wanted and still, you went to meet him! Why the hell didn't you blow him off, Sidle!?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

She looked at him with confusion and disbelief-that was the second time today she was asked that. "What do you want me to say? I'm here. I'm right here with you."

He took his free hand and toyed with the ends of her hair. The loose tendrils eased his worried mind with every turn of his finger. He just had to have faith that Sara knew what she was doing. Pressing the issue was only going to cause problems. 

Taking a deep breath, he decided to lay it all on the line. "Sara, I love you. This is not how I pictured saying that but I need you to know where my heart is. I need you to know that I want our relationship to last-for a very long time."

"I know, Alex," she said, pulling him into a hug. 

"If you say that this isn't a problem, well, then it isn't a problem."

Sara turned her face and kissed his cheek. Resting her chin on his shoulder, she replied, "It's not a problem." The conviction in her voice contradicted the uncertainty in her face.

TBC...


	8. Chapter Eight

A/N-Hey, long time-no see. Ok, not that long, but long enough for me. Real life-in-laws, actually-intervened. Thanks to those who emailed me and asked where the heck my next chapter was. It is always great to know that people care. This "break" from writing had me stewing over everything and I decided to make it all one story instead of two, in other words-sit tight;)

My thanks and gratitude go to Nessa Owen. She is a great beta and friend.

ETA- I also need to thank Laredo Grissom for her suggestions. This edited version of the chapter reflects some of those corrections and suggestions.

Her vacation started thirty minutes ago and Sara was already running late. She anxiously rummaged through her locker looking for her keys, thinking how it was just her luck that she would lose them now. She was supposed to meet Alex in an hour and she still had some last minute packing to do. All of her luck must have been already used up this week-these last few days had been just busy enough to avoid unnecessary contact with Grissom. The latest case had him, Warrick and Nick working overtime and away from the lab. The moments that she did see him, either in passing or during briefings, were nothing short of strange. After their breakfast she expected him to avoid her-ignore her even, but what she got was just the opposite -- and it was a pleasant surprise, not encountering the expected hostility.

Finally finding her keys, Sara shut her locker, breathing a sigh of relief. She didn't know exactly where these nerves were coming from. Her excitement over the vacation had turned to anxiety. She no longer held the enthusiasm she originally felt when they'd made the plans. She didn't know if it was just jitters about going away with Alex or if it was the short-but telling-conversation she'd had with Grissom that was to blame.

She had already said almost all of her good-byes earlier that morning. Nick, Warrick and Greg had worked together and given her their own handwritten version of Vacationing for Dummies. They found the fact that she was actually taking time off amusing. This prompted them to create their own parody of the book, their excuse being that she needed a crash course in how to survive without her lab kit and that it would also serve as some entertainment during the four hour drive. Catherine gave her a firm hug and told her to have fun and not to think about the things back home. Sara knew it was easier said than done.

She had one more person to say goodbye to. She had put Grissom off till last in hopes that he would leave the lab before her. Sara didn't want any awkwardness, but not checking out with the boss before vacation generally didn't go over well.

Walking down the corridor to his office, she noticed that his light was still on and as she got closer she could see him working at his desk. She slowed her pace, taking time to observe him. She had always thought of him as attractive - since the day they met - but she would have to say that age did wonders for this man. The speckle of gray through his hair and his beard, his boyish nose and blue eyes-a perfect contradiction. She smiled as she watched him get up from his seat to get a file from the cabinet. He had gained a little weight over the years but that also suited her just fine. She often imagined unzipping those jackets of his to freely snake her arms around his waist and hold him close. She knew that it would be warm, firm, safe – it would be wonderful.

Feeling the familiar lump in her throat and pang in her heart, she pushed those thoughts aside. Grissom _couldn't do it_. Their breakfast was the same old song and dance – the same pull after the push. The difference this time was that the stakes were higher and so his words were prettier. She knew how he felt, but the conflicts were still there and so was the pain that was inflicted. _He couldn't do it._

Even if he could do it, she was in a relationship. A good one. A caring one. She took these things seriously and there was no way she was going to risk hurting Alex – or herself, for that matter – only to have Grissom push her away again.

Leaning up against the doorframe, she checked her watch. She needed to make this quick and get going.

"Hey," she said, startling him into slamming the file cabinet more forcefully than usual.

Grissom didn't turn around; busying himself with the case file he just retrieved. "Hey, Sara. So, uh, I guess you're off. Venice, right?"

"Yeah."

"You know, that's not too far from where I was born – where I grew up. Actually, my mother has a gallery in Venice."

"A gallery?"

"She pretty much sits on the sidelines now. A couple of years ago she hired some people to help her run it, but she still goes in everyday."

"I didn't know that. You've never been so open about your mother before."

Finally turning around, Grissom placed the file in his briefcase and sat on the edge of his desk. "Well, I did some thinking that morning after our breakfast and there are some changes that I need to make."

"Changes that are already apparent." At his raised brow, she continued. "I really appreciate that you… this week could have been weird and - by no small part - you helped make it not… weird. Thanks."

"There is no reason why we can't behave like we should."

"I agree. This is good, I'm glad that we can get past this and that you are moving on."

"Sara, I said that changes were going to be made – moving on is not one of them."

"What?"

"I'm not going to be giving up anytime soon – I can't."

"You can't? I don't understand, I…" Sara stopped talking and swiftly turned around to shut his office door. Turning back to face him, she leaned against the door for support. "Grissom, why now? After all this time why are you trying now?"

"Not trying was my mistake all along."

"How do you know if trying now isn't also a mistake?"

"I don't think it is -it feels too right to be a mistake. When Gerard told me about Hank, I – lets just say that I handled that poorly. I shut you out - pushed you away. I pushed even harder after you asked me to dinner. I can't push anymore, Sara. When you started dating Detective Vartan-"

"Alex," she interrupted.

"Right, Alex. When you started dating Alex, I thought that it wasn't all that serious. I thought that it was just friendly. I didn't want to misinterpret things like I did with Hank."

"He isn't Hank."

Grissom's wince did not go unnoticed, nor did the sadness in his voice. "Yeah, I'm realizing that."

"I know how you feel, Grissom. You know that I heard your conversation with Lurie."

"No, Sara, you don't know how I feel. You don't know because I have never told you."

"You said all I needed to hear. It doesn't matter what you feel or what I feel."

There was no stopping the tears this time. She struggled to speak through her already tightening throat. "You said that you couldn't do it and that's all that it really comes down to." She turned her back toward him and quickly wiped the tears away, but not without a few muttered curses.

Grissom got up and slowly crossed the room. "Is that when you gave up?"

"That's when I should have given up but, no, I gave up the night I was pulled over. I was, uh, tired-drained. You won. So, I let go."

"This isn't a game."

She spun around to face him and if she was stunned by his proximity, it didn't show. "Isn't it though? How many times have we done this, or a similar version of this? It's always been hot and cold with us, Grissom. Can you honestly say that we would be having this conversation if I weren't with Alex? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you would have come to me, that you would be fighting for me if he weren't a threat?"

"Sara-"

"You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't."

"I have made many mistakes, Sara. Mistakes that I am paying for - dearly, but they are mistakes that I am constantly learning from. It may not have been last week or even today, but Sara, I would have come to you. Do I feel threatened by Alex? Yes. Did that provoke me to do this right now? Yes."

"Then how do you know that you would have still come to me?"

"I know for the same reason as to why I can't give up - because we belong together."

He took that last step into her personal space and grabbed her hand with both of his. They stood there for a moment, both looking at his fingers caressing her hand as if they were willing her to hear his words-feel his heart.

"It has taken me forever to admit it to myself and even longer to admit it you. God, Sara." He painfully whispered. It was his turn to swallow down the burn in his throat-to fight his tears. "Do you know how much it is killing me -- knowing that somebody else has their arms around you at night in what should be my side of your bed?"

"He's not just somebody. He loves me."

"Do you love him?"

Her silence and bowed head answered for her.

"Oh, honey," he said. He took his hand and brought it up to cup her face and bent his head to meet her eyes. "Please tell me that you are not just playing it safe."

"I need a little 'safe' right now Grissom. I care for him. I can trust him-I can't trust you. I have no way of knowing that things will change."

"I know. I promise you that things will change. I'll prove it to you – I'll regain your trust."

His thumb stroking her cheek felt like heaven and was distracting her heart, but not her mind. "I can't put my life on hold while you do that."

"I know. I'll wait."

"Grissom-"

He brought his other hand to her opposite cheek and leaned his forehead against hers, whispering, "Forever, if I have to."

"You can't do that," she said, bringing her own hands up to cover his.

"I can. I will. You're worth it, Sara-you're worth risking it all for."

"Grissom, please." She had to close her eyes before removing his hands from her face and gently pushing him away. This was all too much to bear. "I have to go. I'm running late."

"Right." Rubbing the back of his neck, he continued, "Listen, uh, did he work last night? What I mean is, you worked all night and it's a bit of a drive to make right after a shift-I just want to make sure that you get there safely."

She could tell that this was hard for him and was amazed by his effort. "He got off early to rest."

"Good. Uh, I have one more thing to say before you go. I just – I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"I know that this relationship is progressing but, uh, if he – or any man, for that matter - ever asks you to marry him, only say yes if you love him. Not because it's easy or safe, but because he's the person you can't imagine your life without."

"Griss-"

"Is it really that unreasonable?"

"No. No, it's not. I really have to go. I'll see you next week."

She didn't wait for a response and, not for the first time, she left him alone in his office.

TBC…


	9. Chapter Nine

A/N – This chapter is a little short, but I promise to have another one up by the weekend. Thanks for sticking with me through this. I have really enjoyed the reviews.

Thank you, Nessa, for looking over this chapter even though you have sick kids running about.

The drive west was made in silence. Alex expected as much, but thought that Sara would be sleeping, not looking out the window in what seemed to be deep thought. The moment he picked her up, he sensed that something was wrong. When asked, however, she explained that it was just tiredness.

"You're quiet," he said, risking a glance at her. "What are you thinking about?"

If Sara heard his question, she gave no indication. Alex reached over and grabbed her hand to get her attention. "Babe, you still with me here?"

Sara looked over at him in surprise. "What? I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I'm just wondering what has you so distracted. You've barely said a word since we left Vegas."

"Really? Oh." Alex glanced over and noticed her studying their clasped hands in her lap, not knowing that was the same hand Grissom had caressed just a few short hours ago. He gave her fingers an extra squeeze, urging her to continue. "Well, um, I guess I just need to get used to this whole vacation thing. You know, decompress. It's been a while."

"Is that the only reason?"

"Yes. Why have you been second guessing everything I say?" she replied, a little impatiently.

"I'm sorry, I just really want this trip to be good for you – for us."

"I know you do. Really though, don't worry. I'm just not all that good at not working."

"How about this," he looked over to make sure he still had her attention, "after we check in, I'll run you a bath. While you are in there, I'll get us unpacked. Then I'll work on helping you decompress."

"And just how will you do that?"

"These hands here, babe, work wonders - you've said so yourself. So what do you think?"

"Sounds nice. What other plans do you have for us this week?" she asked, twisting to face him. "This trip was your baby – fess up."

Her smile and her response relieved him. "Actually, I don't have any plans for us. I figure that we could see where this week takes us. I just want us to be together," he said, hoping that she caught the double meaning. "Though, if you need for us to plan something, Venice has-"

"No. You're right, let's see where it takes us."

Keeping his eyes on the road, Alex smiled as he kissed the back of her hand.

-----------------------------------

The bed and breakfast that they checked into was nothing short of beautiful - Alex had made a wonderful choice. As promised, he started her bath, leaving her to herself as he settled them in.

Sara sat on the edge of the tub and ran her fingers through the bath water to check the temperature. It was still a little hot to bathe in, so she took her time undressing as she waited for it to cool down.

Toeing her shoes off, the magnitude of what conspired that morning hit her full force. Grissom pretty much laid it all out for her. He said that she was worth the risk - that she was worth waiting for because he believes they belong together. The knowledge of this excited her but did nothing to ease her mistrust or apprehension. Leave it to Gil Grissom to always be the one throwing a monkey wrench into her life. It would be dishonest, however, to say that she didn't let him.

Sara walked to the mirror over the sink and inspected the reflection presented to her. The past few months had erased the dark circles and tired lines. Her work hours remained the same but she slept more, laughed more - being with Alex has been good for her. She wasn't lying when she told Grissom that she needed a little 'safe' right now. She didn't love Alex, but maybe ... She wanted the chance to find out if she could. Looking closer at herself she could see something that was new and unwelcome. She saw doubt.

Sara turned back toward the bathtub and began unbuttoning her blouse. She had to shake off this mood she was in. Alex was trying really hard to make this trip special for them – for her – and she needed to try just as hard.

Alex's knock and inquiry of her wellbeing interrupted her thoughts. "I'm fine." _There's no time like the present. _Taking a deep breath she continued, "Actually, I was just thinking about how it would be nice to have some company in here."

She heard the soft sound of the door opening and his footfalls as he approached her from behind. "I was hoping you would say that," he said, as he brought his hands up to her shoulders and finished removing her shirt. His kisses began at her shoulder and continued their slow path to her ear. "Mmm, I love you," he whispered.

Sara turned in his arms and joined him in divesting each other of their clothes, all the while praying that he could make her love him as much as he loved her.

----------------------------------------

That evening found them arm in arm, taking an after dinner stroll down the shop-lined sidewalk along Washington Boulevard. As they made their way toward the beach, she only half listened as Alex told her something about the roasted eggplant lasagna they'd just shared, and how he could enjoy vegetarian food like that for the rest of his life. Her attention was on the small handful of galleries along the street, telling herself that her interest in them was only because of her fascination with art.

TBC…


	10. Chapter Ten

"You can stop keeping tabs on me, Catherine. I'm fine."

Catherine halted her approach into his office and cocked her head to the side. "How did you know it was me?"

Grissom spun his chair around to face her. "You have been no more that three feet away from me since she left. Call it a lucky guess."

"Ah, there is the moody Gil I expected to see. Where have you been?"

"Funny. Is there something you needed?"

"No. You're right, I am keeping tabs on you," she said as she dragged a chair over to sit beside him. "How are you? And don't say fine."

"Dandy."

"Gil," she admonished.

"I'm ... missing her."

Catherine reached over and squeezed his forearm. "It has only been a couple of days."

"Yeah, a couple of days away with this guy who apparently loves her, who makes her happy and takes her away to a bed and breakfast in Venice. That is practically my hometown – my goddamn hometown, Catherine."

"I know."

"I should be taking her there, showing her where I grew up, showing her my favorite spot on the beach, sharing with her the things I ... taking her to meet my mother."

She studied her friend beside her. This was a side of Gil that she had long since given up on seeing again. "Maybe one day you still can."

"I thought you said that I was too late."

Catherine shrugged, "I did. I also seem to recall that you ignored that and talked to her anyway. Are you serious about this – about Sara?"

"Very."

Catherine was taken aback by the determined tone in his voice and she knew then that he was not going to back down. If Sara was who he wanted, then he had her full support. "Then I'm behind you. You know that, right?" At his answering nod, she continued, "Did you get to talk to her again before she left?"

"Yes."

"So, how did it go? I mean, I know that it didn't produce the outcome that you wanted, obviously, but something must have happened, right?"

"Yeah, something happened. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad either, it was ... something." Catherine watched as Grissom replayed the conversation in his mind. While she couldn't place the expression on his face, there was enough sadness there to worry her. When he didn't continue, she gave him a slight nudge. "Something?"

"Listen, Catherine, I really don't feel like sharing that conversation."

"Hey, no problem. I'm a little surprised that you shared this much."

"Sara doesn't trust me anymore, which shouldn't be a shock, but..." Taking off his glasses, Grissom gave a tired sigh and ran a hand over his face. "Anyway, I need to prove to her that she can trust me again. In order to do that I need to not only change my relationship with her but also my relationships with others."

Catherine had to raise her eyebrows at that. This was definitely a different Gil. "Wow. Don't get me wrong here, but all this insight seems a little sudden."

"Does it? You know that my mom has a gallery in Venice, right?"

"Yeah," she answered, not knowing where he was going with this.

"So does Sara. I told her the morning she left."

"Huh, really?" She looked over at Grissom whose was returning her gaze with a slight smirk. _You sly dog._ She couldn't help but smile back. "Good."

-----------------------------------------

It didn't take Sara long to find out which gallery belonged to Grissom's mother. She didn't need to spend the afternoon flipping through the phone book and making calls, the woman sitting in the small courtyard in front of the gallery was enough. There was no mistake --- it was her.

She passed by the courtyard contemplating her next move. Should she talk to her? Should she go into the gallery? The past few sun-soaked days, along with the change in their sleep schedule, finally caught up with Alex. She was supposed to be shopping while he was napping – not pacing the sidewalk.

"I shopped," she said to herself, looking at the shopping bag hanging from her wrist. It was from the bookstore across the street, and the only reason she bought it was because of the strange look the owner gave her. She supposed he didn't care too much for her impromptu stakeout.

She turned around and passed by again. This time when she glanced over, her and the older lady made eye contact. Sara looked away quickly and continued walking. Shaking her head at her silliness, she made the decision to head back to Alex.

The decision was made for her, however, when she turned in the direction of the bed and breakfast and came face to face with the blue eyes she would know anywhere. _Oh, God._

"Excuse me, miss? Are you lost?"

"What?"

"Are you lost?"

It took a moment for Sara to recognize the timbre, but when she did, her lack of surprise was what surprised her --- she was deaf. Several unanswered questions over the past few years were beginning to unfold.

Sara opened her mouth to speak but when nothing came out she promptly shut it.

"Its ok. I can read lips, just keep your face turned toward me."

"Yes, of course. " She didn't bother telling her that she had already learned that lesson. "Um, hold on," she said, holding up her hand and put her shopping bag on the ground.

Sara gave her an anxious smile and brought her hands up to introduce herself with the gestures she learned years ago. She was so nervous that her hands wouldn't stop shaking and she was sure that she was doing it all wrong.

"Hello, Sara. I'm Eva, Eva Grissom. You know how to sign?"

"No, actually, I don't. I just know that and a few ... colorful expressions," Sara replied, sheepishly.

"Good, because you are not very good at it," Eva said with a smile and a wink.

Sara barked out a laugh and bent down to pick up her bag. This was definitely Grissom's mother.

"Would you humor an old lady and come have a seat? I would love to have you explain why you are wearing a hole in the sidewalk."

"Uh, sure."

Once Eva turned her back to lead her into the courtyard, Sara started to panic. She had no idea how to explain the reason for her stalker-like display. This was not how she expected to first meet Eva Grissom. It was then that her breath was stolen from her. She was with Grissom's mother – his mother. This was the woman who carried him for nine months. This was the woman who gave birth to him, loved him, and raised him. She was the woman who kissed for scrapes and scratches and nighttime wishes. Sara suddenly felt like crying.

"I'm guessing that you are here on vacation," Eva said as they sat down on the bench.

"Yes."

"Alone or with someone special?"

"With ... my boyfriend."

"Is that who has you pacing the sidewalk?"

Sara bowed her head and was not too sure how to answer that question. Turning her head towards Eva so that she could see her mouth, she replied, "In a manner of speaking."

"I'm sorry, that was a little forward. You don't need an old bat hounding you with questions. We'll talk about something else."

"Do you do this often? Engage in conversation with crazy girls wandering the street?" Sara asked, trying to change the subject.

"No, I can't say that I do. You, however, have been quite entertaining – I couldn't resist."

Sara smiled at the familiar gleam in Eva's eyes. She reminded her so much of Grissom that she couldn't keep her own eyes off of her.

"What book did you purchase across the street?" Eva asked, gesturing to the shopping bag.

"What?"

"Henry, the bookstore owner, called here and told one of my employees that there was some odd girl in his store that couldn't keep her eyes off my gallery. I'm guessing that's you."

"Yeah, that was me." Before she could embarrass herself even more, Sara bent over to retrieve the bag she had placed by her feet. She'd had grabbed the first book closest to her and purchased it to appease the store owner. She was curious herself, to find out what she bought.

She pulled out the book and stared in horror. "Oh fuck," Sara said, turning her head away from Eva's line of sight.

_"Overcoming Impotence: A Doctor's Proven Guide to Regaining Sexual Vitality," _Eva read. "Is this what has you so stressed? I'm sure that you and your boyfriend can work things out."

"That is not my book. I mean, it is, but..." Sara let out a frustrated sigh and dropped her head in her hands.

Just as she thought this meeting with his mother couldn't get any worse, she felt a tap on her shoulder followed by the one question that completed her mortification.

"Sara, does Gil know that you are here stalking his poor old mother?"

TBC...


	11. Chapter Eleven

A/N - Ok, my notes are going to be pretty long...

First off, thank you for your patience on my update. I'm not even going to get into the reasons why it too me so long. It was nothing major, just a lot of stress. Of course I jinxed myself when I was chatting with Marlou and told her that there was no reason why I can't update weekly. Oh well...

Thanks to Nessa for being my beta and my sounding board. She was there for me when I needed to vent. Texas and Virginia are just too far away :(

Since I'm on a roll... Thanks to everyone who is reading this story - your reviews are great. And thanks to CSIShipperGirl for her kind words when she was able to get a "sneak-peak" of this chapter before posting.

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Sara spun her head around so fast that she swore she felt something pop. A few moments ago she wished for the ground to swallow her whole and as she sat there performing her best guppy impersonation, she sadly thought how that was yet another wish that didn't come true. Sara couldn't tell if it was pity or amusement behind Eva's gaze, but when the older lady reached over and covered her hand, she knew that it was neither. Her look was one of understanding.

"You wonder how I know," Eva said.

Sara nodded, not trusting her mouth to come up with the correct response on it's own.

"Years ago, I went on an art exhibition tour that went through San Francisco the same time as Gil's seminar. We went out to dinner my first evening in town. All night the only thing he could talk about was this CSI who was attending his seminar. Apparently this girl, whose name was Sara, was just as tenacious as she was inquisitive." Eva paused to make eye contact with Sara. "She made quite of an impression."

"That next day he was waiting for me outside the deli where we were meeting with this look on his face that I hadn't seen since he was a young boy. It was similar to the look he had when he asked for his first chemistry set, but more like the look when he asked for the keys to the car."

With a short laugh, she continued, "He ditched me, said that he was going to have lunch with a colleague and asked if we could reschedule for dinner.

The problem with the look he was giving me was that I could never say "no" to it. I watched him enter the deli and take his seat across from this beautiful young lady. She looked an awful lot like you," Eva said, giving Sara's hand an extra squeeze.

"We ended up having lunch everyday," Sara whispered, lost in the memory of that first lunch. "I can't believe you remember that."

"Dear, when I lost my hearing, Gil was just a baby. His face - his eyes are dearest to me. When he joined you in the deli, I had never seen his eyes light up quite the way they did then. A mother tends to never forget that moment."

"What moment was that?"

"Don't you know?"

Sara knew exactly what she was talking about. She wasn't quite sure how to feel about the fact that someone else saw it too - that someone other than herself knew what happened that day. That was the day she thought she found the other half to her soul.

"Mrs. Grissom,"

"Call me Eva, dear."

"Eva, did Gris ... did Gil tell you that I might show up here?"

"No. No, he didn't." When Sara looked away, Eva reached up and turned her chin back towards her. "Why _are_ you here, Sara?"

"Gil mentioned that you had a gallery here. He's right – I am inquisitive."

"But you were going to leave without stopping by."

"I was going to head back to my ... to Alex."

"Your boyfriend."

"Yes." Sara paused, taking a deep breath. This conversation was heading in a direction that she wasn't too comfortable with. "Eva, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think I should talk about this with you. Besides, I question your objectivity." Sara hoped that the smile she added to the end of the statement softened the bluntness of her words.

"You have every right to question it – I'm very biased. It's ok, dear, you don't have to say anything."

She couldn't talk to Alex about this – or Grissom for that matter. Sara looked over at Eva and knew that this woman would not lead her or push her. She had no one else to talk to – why not her?

Sara squeezed her hand to get her attention and didn't miss the look of delight on Eva's face as she began to speak. "Alex is a good man. He adores me and up until recently I knew exactly what I wanted in our relationship. We were doing great."

"And now?"

"Now? I don't know. I have a choice to make between him and a dream that I had given up on. Did you ever find the love of your life, Eva?"

"Yes, I believe I did."

"Will you tell me about him?"

"Well, he was Gil's father and we loved each other immensely. I had never met, and probably will never meet, another man like him. I hate to tell you, we didn't have a fairytale ending. We divorced when Gil was five."

"What happened?"

"It was hard for both of us to adapt when I lost my hearing. He was angry with me for losing my hearing and I was angry with him for being angry. Looking back, I don't know why I expected him to just automatically be fine about everything. I mean, it took me years to cope and I just wanted him to accept everything from the beginning. He traveled a lot with his business, and that -- along with having a brand new baby -- put some stress on us as well. We stopped talking – literally and figuratively – and after a while it just got easier to let go. It all came down to a lack of communication. I could never love another man like I did him, though I tried."

Sara's eyes misted over along with Eva's, while wondering how it is that love can make the strongest person weak.

"But he hurt you."

"I hurt him too. We just ... we should have tried harder. I have the most wonderful reminder of him in my beautiful son. He's the perfect blend of both of us."

"He is beautiful," Sara whispered, almost painfully.

The sudden need to distance herself from Eva was overwhelming. Any longer and she would be pouring her heart out to the one person she probably shouldn't. She was going to have to resolve this whole thing shortly.

Looking at her watch, she was surprised to see how much time had passed. How was she supposed to explain the three hours it took to buy a book?

"I should go – it's getting late." Sara picked up the bag that concealed the offending book. She wondered if she should keep it as a reminder of her visit with Grissom's mother, though something told her that she would never forget this meeting.

"Henry will let you exchange that if you'd like."

"No, I think I'll keep it. It was a pleasure to meet you, Eva."

"Dear, the pleasure has been mine," Eva said, pulling her into a gentle hug. "Your choice needs to come from your heart and your soul. Some never find that one great love. If you think you have found it, you have to fight for it and work for it."

Backing away from the hug, Eva cupped Sara's cheek and continued, "You can love all by yourself, but a relationship is a joint effort, whether it is with Alex or your dream."

Sara smiled and pulled away from her embrace, heading in the direction of the bed and breakfast.

TBC...


	12. Chapter Twelve

A/N – Much thanks to Nessa for her beta work on this. Thank you for all of your reviews – I'm glad that so many are enjoying this

Alex's fingers alternated between long strokes and slow circles. Judging from the gentle grunts of pleasure coming from the woman lying on the bed in front of him, his efforts were appreciated. Knowing her preference to strong and hard than that of soft and gentle, his fingers dug deeper into the arch of her foot.

It surprisingly took a lot of persuasion to get her to let him do this. Her quiet spells and moments of distraction did not go unnoticed, and he wondered how much of it was honestly due to her poor vacationing skills. This time alone wasn't having the effect that he'd hoped it would. With only two days left until they returned to work, he was beginning to feel as though he'd failed her somehow.

Looking at her now, body stretched before him, he could sense that her mind was again elsewhere. "You're quiet."

Sara raised herself on her elbows and offered a tired smile. "I'm focusing on the wonderful pampering my foot is receiving."

"You were quiet before now. You're tired, babe – you should have taken a nap with me."

"I was too restless for a nap, " she said with a shrug.

"I missed you, though," he said, placing a kiss to her big toe before dropping her foot onto his lap. Lifting up her left foot and repeating the process he continued, "So, we head back in the morning and we'll still have a day before we have to go back to work. What do you say we head to my place and –"

"I actually should do some laundry. My dirty clothes basket was overflowing before I left."

Sara's hesitation unnerved him. "Then we can go your place. I'll help you with your laundry and then we can wind down, watch a movie, sleep. What do you think?"

He continued massaging her foot as she took his proposal under consideration. "I think that my vote is for us doing laundry and then we sleep. We need to get back on to our night schedule."

"Ever so practical."

"Hmm."

Paying extra attention to her toes, Alex weighed the risks of bringing up what was bothering her. He hated that fact that he was afraid of what she would say, but the past few days had sent his confidence packing.

The intimacy that they shared so effortlessly was now plagued with discomfort and distance. He didn't expect to make love to her twenty-four hours a day, but his visions of this trip did include nights of untamed lust and mornings of lazy passion. The few times that she let him touch her, he was lucky she even looked him in the eye.

Realizing that ignoring the issue would not make it disappear, he decided to try bringing it to light again.

"Something has been on your mind since we left Vegas. I wish you would tell me what it is."

"I told you, I just needed to –"

"Decompress. Yes, I know. The thing is, babe, it doesn't seem like you have."

"I'm sorry, " she replied. The regret reflected in her eyes was genuine.

"Don't be sorry, just … talk to me about it."

Watching her contemplate her words, Alex was suddenly struck with his own regret over starting this conversation. Even though his fingers were trying to bury themselves into her skin, the distance between them was widening with every passing second.

Reaching into the back of his mind, he tried to recall his sister's reflexology chart. At the time, he thought of it as a load of crap. Still, he helped his sister study for her exam. Even though reflexology is considered a source of healing, he rubbed the spot just below Sara's last two toes, trying to take comfort with the fact he had a connection with her heart. Though when she spoke, that comfort vanished.

"What exactly do you want from our relationship? What do you want for us?" she asked, tentatively.

"Well, I want you … in my life, in my arms, in my bed. I know I already have that – I just … more of it. I would like to have all of those things forever and I was hoping that this trip would be a step forward in that direction."

"I know."

"I'm also hoping that you want that too."

"I … when we first made plans for this trip, that was what I wanted."

"And now?" he asked, as he averted his eyes - he felt like a coward.

"I want to want it, Alex."

"But you don't."

"I don't know what I want."

He started to feel the familiar burning in his ears. He was angry with himself for ignoring the warnings and angry with her for letting the man, who had done nothing but hurt her, back into her thoughts. There was no doubt in his mind what this was about.

"This has to do with Grissom."

"Yes," Sara replied, knowing that it wasn't really a question.

Alex dropped her foot down on the bed, got up and started pacing. "Damn it, Sara!"

"Alex –" her attempt at calming him down was cut off by his incensed glare.

"No. I asked you – I asked you if this was going to be an issue and you said no. I don't understand. Everything that you have told me about this guy … you said that he hurt you - that you felt humiliated. He has no respect for you or for our relationship. Why are you letting the man that tore you up, tear us up as well?"

Sara pulled her legs in and sat up. The sorrow on her face and the lack of response infuriated him even more. "It's not a rhetorical question, Sara!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer."

"Sorry? You told me that you had moved on from him before we had even started dating - I don't understand the hold that this man has on you."

"That makes two of us," she whispered.

Alex, defeated, dropped down to the floor and leaned his back up against the side of the bed. It wasn't cowardice that kept him from looking at her this time – it was pain.

"So, what now, Sara? What does this mean?"

"I think it means that when we get home, you should just drop me off. I need some time and space to think things through, " she replied, her tone apologetic.

"You mean to decide between the two men pining for you." He winced at the sarcasm that came with that statement but couldn't bring himself to apologize.

"I didn't ask for this, Alex, but I can't ignore it either – I've tried."

With renewed anger, he got up from his position on the floor and made his way to the closet for their cases. Bringing them out, he began tossing their belongings in.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing. Get your stuff together - we're leaving tonight. I can't be here, Sara. This place was supposed to be … not what it's becoming."

He stopped, the need to get away from her was overwhelming. "I'm going to inform the desk that we are leaving. Can you be ready shortly?"

He left the room before he heard her reply.

The drive back to Vegas was the same as leaving it – silent. He could feel his hands begin to go numb from squeezing the steering wheel. A four-hour drive back home with the woman he loved next to him. He should feel better than this.

Arriving at her apartment, he helped her take her belongings up to her door. Looking at her eyes for the first time since they left, he was surprised to see that she had been crying. He definitely should feel better than this.

"I, uh, don't what to say here but that I'm sorry," she said. "I'll call you in a couple of days."

When she began to shut her door, Alex realized that he couldn't leave things as they were. "Sara, wait."

He brought his hand up to her face and continued, "I'm not going to give you up willingly. Doing that would be unacceptable but I - I don't want to be your second choice either. You need to get this figured out because there is no room in this relationship for … whatever the fuck this is you have with Grissom. I love you and I'm not going to share you."

His thumb swiped the tear that made its way down Sara's cheek, sadly recognizing the fact that she had never responded in kind.

"I've gotta get out of here," he said to himself, as he rushed to his car, knowing he left something behind – his heart.

TBC …


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**ETA- Thanks to Laredo Grissom for pointing out my boo-boo's in this chapter. This is the revised one - slight changes**

Grissom tried not to read too much into the fact that Alex Vartan returned to work a day early. When he arrived at the scene and saw the detective interviewing neighbors, he had to check his watch to make sure the date was right. Confirming that it was still twenty hours and forty three minutes until they were supposed to be back at work, Grissom allowed himself a small grin. His elation was short lived as Alex made his way toward him, the look in his eyes and the clenching of his fists supporting his theory that something must have happened on their vacation.

Grissom watched as Alex's face twisted in anger and exasperation when he raked his hand through his hair and then over his face. As he got closer, Grissom couldn't tell if he muttered "that figures" or "that fucker". The guilt that suddenly weighed on his chest was not something he was prepared for.

"What have we got here, Detective?" Grissom asked, trying to lead their conversation to the more comfortable subject of their job.

Alex paused before answering, holding Grissom's eyes a little longer than necessary. "Mrs. Jane Hathaway, single gun shot wound to the head. The call came in from the next door neighbor and good friend of Mrs. Hathaway, Lynne Barnett."

Leading Grissom into the house, he continued, "Apparently there have been several complaints before tonight - domestic disturbances. Interviewed the neighbor and according to her, the husband is in Beatty visiting his mother and has been for days."

"Is that being verified?" Grissom asked, setting his field kit on the floor to put on his gloves.

"As we speak." Alex rested his hands on his hips and jutted out his chin, "Just you tonight?"

"Warrick is on his way," he responded, noticing Alex's shift in body language and tone. He draped the camera strap over his head and began to take pictures of the body, trying to ignore Alex's pointed glare.

"Is there anything else?" he asked, squatting to get a better angle.

"Ms. Barnett was under the impression that they were working things out – said that the abuse wasn't physical so much as it was verbal and emotional."

"Abuse is abuse."

"Hey, I hear ya," Alex crouched down next to Grissom and rested his elbows on his knees. "You know, nothing gets me more than a man who treats a woman like shit and then expects that a simple, 'I'm sorry, let's try again' speech will make things better."

Knowing where this conversation was heading, Grissom adjusted the focus and took another picture. He was not ready for this.

"You don't have anything to say about that?"

"This isn't the appropriate place for this conversation, Detective."

"What do you know about appropriate, Dr. Grissom? Confronting Sara and asking her for another chance while she's in a relationship with another man – is that appropriate?"

Alex tapped into something that had bothered Grissom from the beginning. He knew what he was doing was wrong, disrespectful ... inappropriate. He was doing the same thing to Alex that he feared would be done to him if he were the one in a relationship with Sara.

Even as that thought gnawed at his conscience and unsettled his stomach, he felt the need to justify his actions, "I understand that this may have-"

"Man, you understand nothing!" The beginning of Alex's tirade was cut short by the ringing of his cell phone.

"Vartan," he barked into the receiver as he stood and walked to the front door. "Ok, bring him in. They've found Mr. Hathaway at his mother's. The authorities there are escorting him in for questioning and identification - I need to head on back to the station."

Keeping his back to Alex, Grissom fiddled again with the lens. "I'll have the morgue page you when the body arrives."

"Good. Listen Grissom, you just need to back off."

"I can't do that."

"I'm not going to stand by and let you hurt her again. I love her."

"I love her, too," Grissom whispered, regretful that it was the first time he'd uttered those words out loud and she wasn't there to hear them.

"I can be what she needs. I can and will give her the life she deserves," Alex countered, as Warrick stepped around him to enter the home.

Grissom nodded his agreement. Sara deserved love and adoration, friendship and comfort. She deserved strong arms to hold her tight. Alex could give her that. _So could I._

"So can I," Grissom countered, turning his head to face him and a surprised Warrick.

"Hey, so what's going on here?" Warrick asked, trying to ease the tension of the room. "With the body, I mean?"

"Your boss can fill you in," Alex replied, keeping his eyes on Grissom. "There's a uniform outside the door if you guys need him."

Once Alex left, Warrick set down his kit and looked at Grissom. "Everything alright, man?"

"Fine, " he replied, pursing his lips and still looking at the door that Alex just exited through. "See if you can collect any prints from the door."

"Sure thing boss."

As Warrick collected the brush and dust from his kit, Grissom turned back to the body and proceeded to document it without another word spoken.

The rest of the shift held the same tension that it began with. Grissom met back up with Alex to compare notes on the case but concluded that they were at a standstill until tomorrow when the autopsy results would be ready.

Their conversations were curt and civil to the point of exaggeration and Grissom couldn't help but wonder about the emotions that must be flowing through Alex. He remembered when he'd found out about Hank and how the blood that ran through his veins seemed to boil and freeze at the same time. His heart, which had been so tightly wrapped around Sara, lost its strength.

He hated that he was causing the same kind of pain to Alex, but giving up on Sara – on his life – was not an option. He did, however, give Alex something that Hank did not give him – an apology. While it wasn't accepted, Grissom could tell that it was appreciated.

Looking at the clock on the corner of his desk, he pondered calling Sara, guessing that she probably would be awake at this hour. The longing to hear her voice was even stronger now that he knew she was back in town.

Realizing that hearing her voice would never be enough, he grabbed his keys and headed to the car park. He needed to see her. He needed to breathe the air that surrounded her. He needed to tell her that he loved her and that his life began when he first saw her smile.

When he reached her front door he paused, thinking that if she would give it to him, this would be his last chance. He had never been more afraid in his life than he was right then on her doorstep and yet his stomach fluttered with excitement. He told her that he would wait – and he will – he just needed to give her more facts.

His breath was stolen from him when she opened her door in answer to his knock and he cursed his lungs for never seeming to work properly in her presence. She looked beautiful and ... sad.

"I'm glad that you're here Grissom. We need to talk."

TBC...


	14. Chapter Fourteen

_A/N - We are almost done, I promise! You guys are wonderful. Thanks to Nessa for her awesome beta work - she really is the best! _

Grissom showing up at her door had been a surprise but a welcome one. Just a few moments prior, Sara was weighing the decision to call and arrange a meeting with him. The fact that he was on her turf eased the tension she had been carrying around since all of this began – it was the first comfortable position that Grissom had put her in.

Noticing that they were both a little too jittery for coffee, Sara directed Grissom to her couch. It was odd having him in her home under any circumstances, other than the ones that existed in her dreams. Sitting uncomfortably, suddenly exposed, Sara cleared her throat, silently asking him to start.

"You haven't unpacked yet," Grissom said, gesturing to the suitcase lying on the floor in front of him.

"I haven't felt like it."

Grissom picked up the book on the coffee table and offered a smirk, "Interesting reading material."

Sara fought the urge to roll her eyes at the familiar scene. Same embarrassment - different Grissom. "I, uh, picked that up in Venice. It's a long story," Sara replied, not yet ready to share her time with his mother.

"You guys came back early."

"Yeah, we did."

"Is everything alright?"

"Would you care if it wasn't?" Sara snapped. She took a deep breath and quietly continued, "We decided to spend some time apart, which brings me to what I need to talk to you about. This has got to stop, Grissom."

"What has got to stop?"

"This thing that we do – the thing that we have been doing for years. It was different when the only ones that we hurt were each other. This time someone else is involved."

"I know. I, uh, actually apologized to Alex about that earlier this morning."

Sara's head snapped up at that. "What? You went to see him?"

"No. We worked the same scene last night. We had a … discussion of sorts."

Sara quickly stood and started pacing. "Well, that is just … great!" Stopping on the other side of the coffee table, Sara fixed him with a hard gaze and continued, " You know, for someone who emphasizes the importance of distancing your personal life from your work you sure do crappy job of practicing what you preach. And if this couldn't get any more backwards, you are out chatting it up with my boyfriend. Tell me, what were you apologizing for exactly? For your poor timing? For trying take his place in my life? For once again pulling me back into … 'this'?"

Neither of them knew the exact moment in which her exasperation became anger, but the air was charged with it. "I can't have a significant relationship with him because my heart is stuck in the same place it has been for years. If you want to apologize you can apologize for that!"

Feeling the need to stand and defend his ground, Grissom met her at eye level. "I'll apologize for hurting you – hurting Alex. I'll apologize for taking you for granted and for not telling you how I feel when I should have years ago. I'll even apologize for asking you to leave your life in California to come here. I have done so many things that I wish I could change or take back but 'this', loving you, is not one of them. I will not apologize for that or for wanting the chance to show you just how much."

"Wow." His admission knocked the breath out of her and she leaned against the wall. "You don't say much but when you do you … say a lot."

"I know that all of this is probably a day late and a dollar short." Grissom's tone had softened and he took the few short steps to stand directly in front of her. "I can't turn back the time, Sara, but I don't want to always be a dollar short. I want to be enough for you and I think I can be ... I just don't know how. Please help me, Sara - let's just try."

"I _have_ tried, Grissom."

"I know, honey, but we haven't tried together. Try _with_ me, Sara."

"You have never said these things. Your words are beautiful and I knew -- I hoped -- that this was how you felt. I just … I'm having a hard time with all of this honesty. While it's welcome, I'm worried that it's in desperation."

"It is in desperation," he said, lightly grabbing her shoulders. "I lost you, Sara. I wasn't paying attention and I lost you."

"You didn't lose me. I didn't just disappear under your radar, Grissom! You pushed me away and I have no guarantee that it won't happen again!"

It was Grissom's turn for exasperation. "What can I say, Sara?" he asked, spreading his arms out to the side. "What can I do to prove this to you? It can't be too late. I know because my heart is in this forever, Sara. Because I love you!"

Grissom turned away and violently ran his hand through his hair. Quicker than the blink of Sara's eye, he turned back around to face her with determination she had never seen – it was both frightening and exhilarating.

She didn't know what part of his body touched hers first, but in the end one hand was tightly fisted into her hair while the other was tenderly stroking her face. Sara always thought that his touch would either be very passionate or very gentle. She would have laughed out loud at the fact that she'd never considered it could be both if it weren't for the tongue currently massaging her mouth. His kisses, soft yet firm and feeling like both fire and ice, left Sara believing that he was a never-ending paradox and knowing that it was exactly what she loved about him.

When he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, his soft beard rubbed against her cheek. She felt every whisker like they were tiny bolts of lightening. Raising her hand to cup the side of his face in a way she'd done years ago, Sara was finally able to take in the reality of the situation - he loved her and he was doing a marvelous job of showing it. The emotions, suddenly overpowering her, were too much to bear. She pulled away with a sob.

Grissom's face morphed from confusion to anger as he mistook the situation. "Damn it!" Taking a couple of steps back, he continued, "I'm sorry, I told you that I would wait and then I … do this. I'm sorry."

The self-deprecating tone and the look of complete defeat in his eyes were almost Sara's undoing. She wanted to explain her tears -- her love -- but the words were stuck somewhere between her heart and her mouth. Suddenly, he turned and stormed out of her apartment, the same urgency with which he'd charged her lips guiding his steps.

Left alone and speechless, Sara stood in her living room looking at the empty doorway. She laughed through her tears at the absurdity of the situation - they had switched roles.

TBC…


	15. Chapter Fifteen

_A/N- Ok, one more chapter! I had too much to say to end it here. Thank you for the reviews – much appreciated!_

Thanks to Nessa for being a great beta and friend. Who knows what this story would have looked like without her!

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To say that Alex was tired was putting it lightly. He should be sleeping right now with Sara by his side, not sitting alone on his couch watching the muted news channel, wondering how he lost all control of his life.

Ever since they'd come back from California, he had gone through his list of who was to blame for the bomb that hit his love life. He first blamed Grissom for his out of line interference and then Sara for her lack of strength. He finally came back to Grissom for being a world-class ass to Sara in the first place.

If Grissom had given Sara's feelings the respect that they deserved years ago, none of them would be in this situation now. He would never have known the pain of his bleeding heart, preparing for their pending breakup or how it feels to know that he could never be "The One" for her. As much as he wished that he'd never asked Sara out, he also knew there were now things he never wanted to live without. Like the feeling of wonder when watching Sara wake in the morning or the amusement he felt finding out that she secretly loved the color pink. He loved her fiercely and this hurt.

The space that he was giving Sara was more for his benefit than her own. In his gut he knew that this was over and that every ounce of Sara's heart, no matter how big it was, belonged to Grissom. He needed this time to come to grips before he could let Sara go gracefully.

A soft, persistent knock pulled him from his thoughts and he made his way to the door. Vigorously rubbing his face, he hoped that he could get rid of whoever was one the other side. When he opened the door, however, he wanted to take that wish back.

"Sara."

"Hi, Alex."

"You, uh, didn't use your key."

"I know. Can I come in?"

Alex stepped aside and let Sara cross over the threshold into his home, sensing that this was the last time she would ever do that.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked nervously, leading them to the kitchen, trying to buy some time.

"No. I shouldn't stay long." Sara sat down on the barstool opposite him. "Please don't think that this isn't hard – that I don't care."

"I don't think that."

"Alex, I –"

"You don't have to say anything, Sara," Alex interrupted. If he couldn't have control over his life, he could at least have control over this conversation. The last thing he wanted to hear was an apology. "So, I guess this means that you're going to give Grissom another chance."

"I know this seems sudden -"

"Does it seem sudden? Oddly enough, it doesn't seem that way to me," he spoke, realizing that it was the truth. There was nothing sudden about this – sad, but not sudden. What was sudden was his urge to now help her along – she was all that mattered. "He loves you, you know?"

"Yes."

"And you … love him."

"Yes," Sara answered softly, not really able to meet his eyes.

Alex turned away to grab a glass from the cabinet. Closing his eyes, he spoke, "Then why should you waste another moment?"

"I would hardly call this a waste, Alex."

He turned, watching as she left her seat at the bar and joined him by the sink. "I know, babe. It's not like I want to let you go it's just that … I want the best for you – the best for your heart."

"You believe that? That he's the best for my heart?"

"I think that you believe that and that he believes that – that's all that really matters."

Sara ran her finger along the counter, letting out a nervous laugh. "This whole conversation is … odd."

"I know, huh? These words keep leaving my mouth and I can't stop them. I want to stop them – stop you, from leaving. I want …" he stopped, knowing that he would never get what he wanted and didn't want to burden her with his dreams. "You know, all this time I thought that it was because he didn't love you enough."

"What was?"

"Him not being with you," he replied, grabbing her hand and pulling her into one last embrace. "Now, I realize that it was because he loved you too much."

"How do you know that?"

Kissing the top of her head, he closed his eyes and tried the control the lump forming in his throat. "Experience."

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Her foot was just a little heavier than usual as she drove her way through lunch hour traffic. Sara anxiously checked her watch for the millionth time, noting that no matter how quick she got there it was still early afternoon. Grissom would most likely be asleep.

Her talk with Alex this morning went far better than she'd hoped for. She knew that it wasn't the easiest thing for him to do – letting her go – and she doubted he would ever know how grateful she was. While she felt the sadness of their breakup … she also felt excitement. She would be claiming a love that she'd buried deep in her soul for too long - claiming a man who she craved desperately. Alex was right – she couldn't wait another moment.

Finally arriving at his townhouse, Sara jumped out of her car and ran to the door. With confidence, she raised her hand up to the door and gave three good knocks. She stretched her head from shoulder to shoulder and bounced on her toes, trying to rid herself of her nervousness. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the lady next door was sitting on her front porch and giving her odd looks. Rolling back on the heels of her feet, Sara raised her eyebrows and gave a shy wave.

She checked her watch again and knocked once more. "He's asleep," she said to herself, "you are going to wake him up, Sara." She was only mildly concerned that she was talking to herself – no more than the neighbor was. "I want to wake him up," she decided, rapping on the door for the third time.

Taking out her cell phone, Sara dialed his home number and waited for him to answer. She put her ear up to the door and could hear the ringing on the other side stop as the machine picked up.

"You know, that man keeps odd hours," came the voice of the nosy neighbor.

"I know, he works nights," Sara replied just as the beep from his machine sounded. "Grissom, you home? It's Sara. Please pick up."

"He doesn't come out during the day much."

"That's because he works nights," Sara snapped. Giving up on him answering she dialed his cell next. Hearing his cell ring on the other side of the door, she closed her phone and sat on the step.

"What I was trying to say, miss, is that he doesn't come out during the day much, but not too long after he came home this morning he left."

"He left?" Sara asked. Watching the lady nod in response, Sara gave a sheepish smile, "I'm sorry – thank you." Opening her cell once more she dialed another number.

"Grissom."

"Why are you at work?"

"Sara?"

"Why aren't you at home? You should be sleeping."

"I'm working," he replied, his confusion obvious. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Grissom," she whispered, closing her eyes wanting him to just appear before her.

"Sara, where are you?" he asked, his tone taking on a gentle quality, bringing tears to Sara's eyes.

Sara leaned her back against his door and lightly ran her hand along the doormat beneath her, "Your front door. Come home, Grissom."

"I'm on my way."

TBC...


	16. Chapter Sixteen

A/N – Wow, I'm done! I can't believe it! Thank you for riding this out with me.

Thanks to **Nessa **for her beta work, support, friendship and humor. I'm very lucky to call her my friend.

At the risk of this sounding like an acceptance speech, I will also thank **Laura Katharine, Suzy, Marlou and Laredo Grissom** for their encouraging words and input.

Ok, this is a little different – I wrote two ending chapters. One is the chapter you see here, the other is an NC17 chapter that can be found at my website that I share with **Nessa. **You can find that link in my profile. I was a little indecisive so I figured – why not? – write them both. I hope that you enjoy!

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This was it – Grissom could feel it. This would be the moment when they'd discover whether the roads that they'd been on would meet, leaving them to travel the rest together. Or had there been too many detours for them to find their way? He was always envious of her in that sense – that she always seemed to know where she was going and how to get there. He knew that his map was old and worn with several creases and tears from misuse and neglect. When he did refer to the map, he most often read it upside down, with fear as his compass.

He brought Sara Sidle to Vegas years ago because of greed and need, hidden behind a mask of leadership. He needed someone he could trust, and while her name was the first to pop up, there were several colleagues available – some even in Vegas. It shamed him to this day that he took advantage of a terrible situation and used his influence to satisfy his craving for her. The emails were not enough and the phone calls only intensified his need. He wanted her here – close, but not too close. His role as supervisor was supposed to ensure that. He should have known his folly from the start –her constant closeness made it impossible.

The past few years had been filled with so much pain, he knew that any chance he may be given would be undeserved. Oddly enough, he was at peace with that. He told Sara how he felt – that he loved her – and if he were denied the opportunity to tell her that everyday, he would at least know that he tried.

Watching her sit patiently against his door, Grissom suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for not telling her where his hidden key was. He hated the fact that she once again was waiting for him to open a door.

As he walked toward her, the hope that she understood he had finally found the right path was almost too much to bear. He hoped she knew that he had straightened out his map, taped up the tears and finally found his North.

"Hey," Sara said, getting up and dusting her bottom off.

"Hi," he replied as he climbed the steps to his door, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

"No problem."

They stood staring at each other, nervously waiting for the other to speak. Grissom noticed something different yet familiar in her eyes. What he saw sparked the same hope her phone call had earlier and he prayed he wouldn't blow this.

"Do you want to come in?"

"Yes, I do."

Opening the door, Grissom stepped aside to let her pass through. He took this opportunity to watch her roam around in his habitat with ease. The nervousness was still there but he could tell that she felt comfortable in his home and for the first time in a long while, so was he.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you," she replied, making her way to the couch and sitting down.

"Why did you, uh, come here?" Grissom asked, deciding that the best way to do this was with both feet.

"I broke it off with Alex this morning."

"I'm … sorry."

"Are you really?"

"Sort of sorry. Are you alright?"

"I wanted it to work with Alex, but I think I wanted it for the wrong reasons. My motivation was all messed up. He's a great guy and he deserves someone who can be with him for who he is, not for who he can make you forget. I think I used him, Grissom."

"I … I think that he probably cherishes all of the good moments."

They sat there letting the silence wrap around them until Sara stood with a frustrated grunt. "Why is this so hard for us to do?"

"I don't know."

"Grissom, I don't know how to take what I want – it's never been given to me. Everything that I have – my education, my career – I may be good at 'em but I worked for it."

"Sara –"

"Hold on, let me finish. I guess I just didn't expect to have to work so hard at this as well – we've been doing this for so long. I got tired and I gave up. Then I ended up working just as hard, if not harder, trying to move on. You asked me earlier to help you – for us to try together for this."

"I ask too much of you – I always have."

Reaching into her back pocket, she closed the distance between them. "You see," she said, gesturing for him to give her his hand, "I don't think that you were asking for too much."

Feeling Sara slip something into his palm, Grissom was wondering when exactly he got lost. He looked at her for a few moments before opening his hand to reveal her gift. In his hand he held love and forgiveness - promise and truth all contained in a piece of paper. George Washington never looked so good and Gil Grissom never felt as wealthy as he did at this moment.

"You, uh, said that you were short a buck – I thought that I could make up the difference," she replied to his questioning stare, cocking her head to the side and offering a smile. " I want us to try, Grissom."

Grissom moved his mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come. Looking up at her in wonder, he knew that there was not a soul on this earth who could compare to her and her capacity for forgiveness. Losing her form behind the wall of tears building in his eyes, Grissom grabbed her waist and pulled her close. Burying his face into her stomach, he released a shuddering sigh of relief.

Sara tentatively reached down and began running her fingers through his hair, amazed by the fact that she was actually here, wrapped in Grissom's arms. Lowering her head and inhaling Grissom's own personal scent, she tightened her hold on him, needing him to be closer.

"I love you, Sara," came Grissom's choked whisper.

While his grip on her was strong, his arms were shaking from the pent up emotions running through him. Sara trailed her hand down to the tip of his chin and raised his face to look up at hers. Keeping her eyes trained on his, she wiped the tears from his cheeks only to have him produce new ones as a result of her care.

As she kneeled down in front of him, Grissom's hands made their way up to frame her face, his fingers giving her the same treatment to her tear stains. Inching closer to his face, she rubbed her nose against his and smiled the sweetest smile he had ever witnessed. This was real. She was in his home – in his arms – in his life. He thought that this moment could not get any better.

"Grissom, I love you, too."

He was wrong.

The pull to her lips was just too strong. He needed to taste her mouth again. He needed to taste the mouth that uttered the most beautiful words ever spoken. She loved him!

It started with gentle pecks of the lips, with shy glances gauging each other's response. Getting braver, they engaged in more sensual caresses, their mouths straying to the other's cheek and neck, their bodies breathless. His lips finding their way back to hers, Grissom let his tongue glide along her upper lip, seeking out its mate. While their mouths mingled, their fingers danced. They explored backs and rib cages, thighs and breasts. Before they knew it, Grissom was reclined on the couch with Sara straddling his hips. They pulled away simultaneously, gasping for air, amazed by the current situation.

"Oh God," Sara said, resting her forehead against Grissom, her breathing matching his pant for pant.

"We need to slow down."

"Yes," Sara agreed, settling into his chest.

"You, uh, need to get off my lap."

Sara jumped up and turned her head to hide her blush. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Grissom said, wiping an errant strand of hair from her face. "I just need to calm down for a bit."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No. God, no."

Wrapping his arms around her body, he pulled her to his side. "Just sit here with me. Talk to me – say something to get this off our minds."

Sara stroked his chest, trying to think of a subject that would both relieve the sexual tension and promote a conversation about the events of the past couple of weeks.

"I met your mother in Venice."

"Wow, you're good. It's totally off my mind now," he joked, turning his head to kiss her temple. "So you did see her."

"Don't sound so surprised," she chided, "You knew that my curiosity would get the better of me."

"I had hoped."

"Why?"

"I didn't mean it to be manipulative. I wanted you to meet her for a couple of reasons. I needed you to trust me again and I needed you to know that I trust you as well. Sharing her with you seemed to be the best thing I could think of at the time."

"She's a lovely woman."

"Yes, she is," he agreed. "I'm very lucky to have such lovely women in my life."

"What's the other reason?"

"Hmm," he hummed into her hair, "Well, uh, that was for a more personal reason. If things didn't work out – if I didn't get this chance to make things right with you, at least my mother would have met the woman that captured my heart so many years ago."

He took her hand in his, lacing their fingers and giving a firm squeeze. Bringing her hand up to his face, he gave it a quick kiss and then settled it up against his cheek.

"Then, when I'd go to visit her and she asked me when I was going to find somebody to love – to marry – I'd tell her that I already have and that she'd met her, actually. I'd then explain that her son was a fool and how he'd ignored all of his chances and let someone as sensational as Sara Sidle slip out of his life."

"Grissom-"

"It's the truth, Sara. You have given me a gift – one that I don't truly deserve. I'm not going to take your place in my life for granted again and I don't know if you could ever know how much I cherish this chance."

Sara twisted her body so that she was facing him dead on. She knew that this man had so much to offer and she wondered if he knew that. Leaning in, she gave him a kiss, tenderly stroking his beard. Bringing her mouth to his ear, she whispered, "Everybody deserves to be loved, Grissom, by the one person that lights their soul. You light my soul, and for that you are deserving."

"Only you."

"What?"

"Can render me speechless."

Smiling, Sara settled back down into his chest, letting out a yawn as she did so.

"Tired?"

"Yep."

"Stay here. Stay in my arms," he requested, situating them so that they were reclined against the arm of the couch.

"Of course," she replied, snuggling against his side and purring contentedly. "Mmm. Grissom."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not giving up."

He had never cried so much in his life as he did when it related to Sara. For too long, they had been tears of pain and hurt, but today his tears reflected his joy. Never would he have thought that she'd thank him him for loving her. For that is what it all came down to – love.

"It was never an option."

THE END


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